I’ll be honest, in my personal experience of receiving feedback it can be an uncomfortable process.

I wince at having my actions and impact reflected back to me; even when the news is delivered in the kindest of ways. Chances are you have felt the same way and instead of taking this piece down the road of the ‘do’s and don’ts’ of giving and receiving feedback, I want to reframe the conversation – pursuing personal accountability; which amounts to actively seeking growth.

The metaphor of a river comes to mind. I see myself already immersed in a current of information. It presents from a variety of sources and flows to me in the way of feedback, observation, nudges, and insights. Discomfort arises from impeding the flow and resisting change.

Deep introspective work is rarely easy. It entails having a taste for trouble and a willingness to embrace the myriad of aspects we’ve neatly divested ourselves of or kept at arms distance. Also, due to our blind spots, there are hidden aspects of self that ‘show up’ and are ever present in our responses, reactions, and behaviors. It’s an interesting paradox; in an effort to hide ourselves, we are in full view and influencing the now moment.

The opportunity – everyone can benefit from increased self-awareness. Instead of waiting for feedback, why not step into the flow and actively look for growth?  Why not make a conscious decision to ride the river of meeting opportunities head on? This is intra and interpersonal accountability at its finest.

Here are a couple of personal examples of how I’ve benefited from embracing the stance of becoming accountable to my own personal growth:

As I know myself, I’m better able to clearly understand what another may need. Think of tackling personal growth as cleaning off your internal lens – I’m much better equipped to respond and flex my leadership style to the situation in front of me when I have internal clarity around who is showing up. I look at it this way: when I’m engaging with another and I feel an emotional charge, that’s a clue for me to dig a little into my own story.

As I know myself, I have clarity in what to say ‘yes or no’ to. Personal growth asks the tough questions: Why do I do what I do? What drives how I make decisions? The answer to these gives me direction and provides grounding when there are many choices and even less time to execute. Or more aptly put – when the rubber hits the road, how am I responding? Managing my energy and internal landscape is how I navigate moving forward.

When pursuing personal accountability adopting a meta-view has great benefits, too. It reconnects us with our ideal self by asking us to view situations from a panoramic lens and entertain the reoccurring themes in our lives.  A meta-view provides context and broadens scope. When we can observe overarching themes and patterns we begin to tackle what is driving our behavior. How often do we become entangled in the details only to lose sight of the larger perspective? 

To expand, a recent personal experience comes to mind: I misread another’s offer to help as ‘managing’ me because (I think) they think I can’t manage myself. Without unpacking every personal detail and keeping the innocent nameless, I realized their actions truly were benevolent and it was me (gasp!) who had some work to do. Shifting to meta-view, I asked myself what was that defensive response all about? Who was talking? Ah, yes, it was touching…. Yep, more work to do there!!

In the end, the personal work I do (or don’t do) goes with me and impacts wherever I am and whomever I engage with. This holds true for my organization; as a leader, I have a responsibility to the team, my colleagues, clients, and the global business community at large to be at my personal best. 

So, how do you move towards personal accountability? First, make a commitment to step into the river and move with the flow of information. What also can help is to ask someone you have established trust with to be an accountability partner: a mentor, boss, peer, or partner. Share your commitment and ask if they’re willing to give you honest behavioral feedback. Then listen. Listen to their words and notice your internal response. If you prefer to ‘dive solo’ instead of using the reflective qualities of a relationship, begin noticing how you feel during interactions with another. And be willing to ask yourself, hmm, what is my response about? Am I resisting the river?