The Original Promise:

Understanding and Challenging the Vows We Made to Our Younger Selves and Their Impact on Leadership

Re-examining Our Promises and Leadership

Personal capacity and leadership effectiveness are intertwined.

The unconscious commitments we made to protect ourselves during our formative years shape how we guide and inspire others. Reflecting, understanding and challenging these promises can revolutionize our leadership style in the following ways:

• Empathy: Leaders who reexamine their own promises can better comprehend the fears and motivations of their team members, fostering a more empathetic workplace.
• Vulnerability: Demonstrating vulnerability by sharing personal breakthroughs can inspire others to do the same, creating a culture of openness and trust.
• Adaptability: By challenging outdated beliefs, leaders can become more adaptable and open to new ideas, essential in a rapidly changing world.
• Empowerment: Leaders who break free from limiting promises can empower their teams to do the same, leading to a more innovative and motivated workforce.

Building this internal capacity not only transforms us as individuals but is foundational as we become better stewards of others when we lead. It’s through this kind of introspective work that we truly enhance our ability to guide and support those around us, fostering a culture of growth and mutual empowerment.

The Origins of Our Promises

As children, we often internalize certain beliefs and commitments to protect ourselves from perceived threats and pains. These promises, made during our formative years, serve as emotional shields that carry us through various phases of life. But why do we make such promises in the first place?

These self-made promises typically stem from a desire to feel safe, accepted, and loved. They emerge from experiences where we might have faced emotional hurt, rejection, or trauma.

These promises serve a dual purpose. On one hand, they provide a sense of control and security. On the other hand, they form part of our identity—shaping how we see ourselves and how we interact with the world around us. Over time, these promises influence our behaviors, decisions, and even our life choices.

The Challenge of Breaking These Promises

As we mature, the very promises that once protected us can become constraints. The challenge lies in recognizing that these commitments, while previously beneficial, may now hinder our progress and potential. The fear-based promises we made can lead to self-imposed limitations, preventing us from exploring new opportunities or embracing change.

Breaking these promises can be difficult for several reasons:

• Emotional Attachment: These promises are deeply rooted in our emotional experiences. They have been part of our coping mechanisms for so long that letting them go feels like losing a part of ourselves.
• Fear of the Unknown: Changing long-held beliefs and behaviors means stepping into the unknown, which can be daunting.
• Identity Crisis: Since these promises are integral to our identity, challenging them can lead to an existential crisis, leaving us unsure of who we are without them.
• Comfort Zone: Staying within the boundaries set by our promises offers comfort and predictability, which can be hard to relinquish.

The Importance of Reexamining Our Promises for Leadership

Despite the challenges, it's crucial to revisit and reassess these promises, especially for those in leadership roles. Holding onto outdated commitments can prevent us from fully embracing our potential and living a fulfilling life both professionally and personally. Reexamining these vows can lead to several positive outcomes, particularly for leaders:

• Personal Growth: By identifying and challenging these promises, we open ourselves up to new experiences and opportunities that foster growth. For leaders, this translates to understanding and adapting to new challenges and perspectives, which can inspire team members to do the same.
• Authenticity: Releasing outdated promises allows us to align more closely with our true selves, leading to a more genuine and authentic life. Authentic leaders build trust and credibility with their teams, fostering a culture of honesty and transparency.
• Resilience: Learning to break free from fear-based promises builds resilience and adaptability, enabling us to navigate life's challenges more effectively. Resilient leaders are better equipped to handle setbacks and lead their teams through change and uncertainty.
• Fulfillment: By letting go of limiting beliefs, we can pursue our passions and dreams, leading to a more satisfying and meaningful life. Leaders who feel fulfilled are more likely to create a positive and motivating work environment for their teams.

The promises made by our younger selves were vital for our initial survival and emotional well-being. However, reexamining and challenging these commitments is essential for personal growth and leadership effectiveness.

By embracing change and letting go of outdated beliefs, leaders can unlock their true capacity and lead more authentic, resilient, and fulfilling lives. This, in turn, empowers them to inspire and guide their teams more effectively.